I done got ina fight with a lady while waitin to see Michelle Obama. Can Obama gimme a presidential pardon?

i need to have my asault charge dropped. he best give me a pardon cuz we was waitin in line at da white house. we was there to see his wife give us a tour of da white house. this b*tch done tried to skip in front of me and she was all up in my face. i done told her she best get her a** back. and she done pushed me and i done pushed her back. and then we started windmillin each other.